Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Jacqueline:
dance as though no one is watching you
love as though you have never been hurt before
sing as though no one can hear you
live as though heaven is on earthToday, Min ci asked me: Jacq, what kinda of funeral do you want. I kept quiet and start pondering over the matter ... why funeral? The answer is clear when every human being must go through birth and
death. How about a white wedding? That should what all girls are dreaming for ... with your prince charming. Yeah, dream on. Love between mars n venus will not last. I no longer believe.
I may be sitting right in front of the computer, pulling every strands of my black hair and trying to give out a reason why all these things happened. I don't know. They are not fascinating nor something nice to be commented about. Why did that happened? Maybe pple deserve the bad outcome in one way or another, but the innocents shldn't be taking part in the play. I really wish i cld surrender all to God.
A young pretty girl, contacting such a disease, I don't know what can i do to lighten any burden held by her family. She still have a bright future and here i am, wasting my time blogging, feeling angry abt what pple blog .. when Jen is trying hard to fight against the cancer. I really wanna ask God, does she deserve it ? Her long silky black hair is not longer there to be admired at, her radiant smile is covered with the wearness of all the therapy treatments.
Same age. Both of us still 18 yrs old. WHY her ?
She already have to start counting back her time, yet i'm wasting mine. As I'm trying to find time to visit her, she always decline my offer. She wants me to concentrate on A's instead of wasting time. I don't wanna lose such a good friend who taught me the importance of life. Jen's fave quote is "
at least i survived.." She once said, no matter how far people tried to pull you down, humilate you, let you down, just tell yrself that there's more to come, because u're sitll breathing. Nv forget to breathe.
Almost broke down on the bus journey back, her condition just worsen. Can someone tell me what to do? I'm helpless. I'm clueless. I need a direction. yet i'm not a God who can prolong Jen's life. I cant even do much to my own family and studies. I did so badly for prelims, i'm only left with 29 days. My dad and mommy are like some ... whatever. Don't even have a perfect hm, not to talk about perfect life. Why do husbands always let down their wives? Why do they make promises over the vows which cannot be fulfilled? Is marriage the grave for love? Why am i gonna do? How can i help my mommy and the poor sister who suck at her hm? br>Heng's dad just got admitted to the hospital. Some gastric prob. I wonder how her family is doing.
Why is all my friends ard me going thru hardships?
Can i just see a little sunshine ?
I see no meaning for these endless obstacles.
I'm a weakling, i can't even face up to the probs surfacing.
I really want to hide all the truth.
Too much.
No one deserves to die. No one have the right to take away her life. No one shld remove the love once that was between my parents. No one shld snatched away my love ones. No one deserves love but my family. No one shld be left behind. No one is supposed to die without a smile. I don't wanna think about all these.
Just contiune to live strongly.
Breathe hard.
29 days to A' level :(
Threesome's company11:17 PM
